He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
