i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
