Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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