They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
