3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
