oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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