end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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