you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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