just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
