i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
