So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
