Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
