Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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