my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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