I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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