I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I did not marry a roomba.
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