Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
