Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
