last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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