and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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