Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
