ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
