Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
