I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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