When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
