I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Only a mothe r could love this liver
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
