The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
