One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
