he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
