Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
