I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hippo gnu deer
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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