We got so high we made milksteak
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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