sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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