If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
