I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
