I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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