Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
