Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
