I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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