oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
