2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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