Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
