i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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