New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
