I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
