Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
