It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
BRING THE BAGELS
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
