so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just gift wrapped bread.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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