Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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