Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
