If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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