if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
