this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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