Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
