So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
