saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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