i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
