Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just cropdusted the office
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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