she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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