he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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