did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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