Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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