even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
