I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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