The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
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Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
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The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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