She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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