With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
