one two three fourrrrnication!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
