Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
