he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dont lie about slip and slides
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize