I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
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