how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
